Monday, July 11, 2011

Bristol... again

Yesterday Bristol lost the use of her only good remaining leg. It was very sudden and we aren't sure what is going on but it looks like a pulled muscle or a strain. It could also be a worsening of her degenerative joint issues. Yesterday I talked to my vet who advised giving Bristol extra Previcox. We did that, and it at least allowed her to climb steps by herself, so we did it again today. I spoke to my vet this morning and he prescribed Tramadol to be used as needed.
I came home to a totally different dog. I mean, yesterday she was honestly not able to walk. She was having horrible muscle spasms and it hurt to watch her walk on only two legs. I honestly thought I was going to have to let her go.

When I got home she was up and walking, and coming to say hello. Later I took the new squeaky chicken and was throwing it for Laveau. This is Bristol's new favorite toy, I think because she can hear it. She got up and came over to take it away from Laveau. Then she taunted me with it for a while and we played a very light (because I made it that way) game of tug of war. And yes, she won (wink!) Then Laveau came over and they lay on the floor together wrestling. Then Laveau accidentally knocked her over and I put an end to the playing.

Barb came over with the Tramadol and I let Bristol out to see her because I knew it would cheer her up. And it totally did. Barb said that she's favoring the left leg a little but she is walking on it. We're not sure if she's actually healing or if the meds are just masking her symptoms. We'll pull her off the extra Previcox and add Tramadol to the cocktail and see what it will do for her.

I really struggled with the decision of what to do for Bristol all day yesterday and into today. I don't want her to suffer, but at the same time I don't want to force her to eave before her time. I don't know when that time will be, but she still has such a huge love for life, and if she's willing to fight yet longer, then so am I. We'll do what it takes and then we'll do what is necessary.

This experience is really bringing home that every day is a gift. It's such a Cliche, but really it is. I have always tried to give thanks every day for all of my blessings, but this brings it into a whole new perspective.

I would like to thank everyone for their good thoughts, healing energy, prayers and for all of the support. Yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life and it helped to know that there were people sending us good juju.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but for today she is doing better. So I will just be thankful for that and let the future take care of itself.

Taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

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