Saturday, October 16, 2010

Canine Communications

Mr Pawpower and I took Bristol and Laveau with us when we went to get a coffee. I worked Laveau to the coffee shop, but worked Bristol home.

If dogs could talk...
Bristol stands next to me in harness. Her chest is puffed out, her head is held high, her tail is wagging.
Bristol: "I'm too sexy for my harness, too sexy for my harness, lalalalala!"
Me: "Bristol forward."
Bristol *starts walking forward, only it's more of a swish.*
Bristol: "I'm too sexy for my harness, too sexy for my harness, lalalala."

Laveau *turns her head on her long doberneck to watch Bristol.*
Laveau: "Oh my god, what the hell are you doing! You're going to get her killed; that crack in the sidewalk required you to come to a full and complete stop. You are doing a slap-dash job and maybe I need to show you how to do it right."
Bristol: "heheheheheh, I've been doing this for longer than you've been alive, you whippersnapper! Watch, my child, watch, and learn. I'm too sexy for my harness, too sexy for my harness, lalalala!"
Laveau: "OH MY GOD! she clicked the clicker for that other dog! This is my clicker! and she's feeding her my treats! and she's wearing my harness.... oh wait, she isn't, but I don't want her working in it! She's an imposture! She's old, put out to pasture! She's going to run that up curb..."
Bristol: "Ahhh, flawless halt on the up-curb. Front feet on curb, back feet in gutter! Totally textbook. I hope that tenderfoot is paying attention to my perfect example of guide work. I'm too sexy for my harness, too sexy for my harness lalalala!"
Laveau: "Now we cross the big street. Do you think the tall dude I'm guiding could make it across on his own? Because I don't want to let Grandma Moses take the boss across this road alone. She'll become road pizza, and then I'll be unemployed which is bad what with the economy, and all."
Bristol: "Look, that black dog is so impressed with my fabulousossity, that she is wrenching her neck around to watch my incredible moves. Not good as she really should be guiding the big dude, but who can blame her! I've got it goin on! I'm too sexy for my harness..."
Laveau: "The only way I can make this crossing is to watch the old dog do it. I'm keeping my eye on her. Who the hell does she think she is? The canine version of Jennifer Lopes? This isn't the red carpet at the Oscars!"
Bristol: "We've arrived at last! I am so impressive! We made it and it's all because I possess such incomparable guiding skills, and class, and beauty, and poise, and animal magnetism! Let's face it, I'm a goddess. That black dog wishes she could be half as amazing as I am, she has not been able to keep her worshipful gaze from me."
Laveau: "Oh my god! We've made it home, and the boss still has the normal number of arms and legs and heads and stuff. Watching out for her from afar, and guiding the dude was hard. I need some Chivas over ice, and a raise."

1 comment:

  1. Ow, my sides hurt from laughing too hard. Funny post!