Would you like me to open that, Sir?

Mill'E-Max is the brains of the household; paws down. She taught herself to unscrew the caps off of bottles about six years ago. Mister Pawpower really likes wine, but I prefer beer. So he found these small bottles of wine which were only one serving. We were in a post-Katrina house at the time, which didn't have much furniture. Mr. Pawpower sat on the floor-- bottle in hand-- and became distracted by the phone. Mill'E-Max picked up the bottle and started manipulating it. She figured out that she could unscrew the bottle with her back teeth. Mister Pawpower ended his phone conversation just in time to see Mill'E-Max tilting her head to the side, while the now cap-less bottle was tipped with her forepaws aimed right for her mouth. I am not kidding.

Ever since then, Mill'E-Max will take any chance she gets to screw the lids off of bottles. She won't pick them up at random, but if I direct her to pick it up, she then thinks of it as "her bottle." And if i set her bottle down on the floor or a chair or the bed, She will then begin the task of unscrewing the lid.
Today I asked for a water in the fridge. She brought it, and gave it to me. I set it down on the bed to go play tug with Bristol, and three minutes later, I find her on the bed, front paws wrapped around the bottle, back teeth clenched on the lid, and a shit-eating grin on her face, as well as a wagging tail and that set to her ears which meant she was thinking. She had been sitting there, waiting for me to notice that she had the bottle. I did get it away from her before the first turn of the lid.

If anyone ever tells you that dogs don't have senses of humor, don't listen. Or I'll set Mill'E-Max on you!

An Even Dozen

Today is Bristol's and my twelfth anniversary as a guide dog team. Ok, she's retired, but she is still my partner. I've been thinking quite a bit about everything we've done together, and it is really amazing that one little dog can have such a big impact on a person's life. I got Bristol six days after losing my first dog, Rhoda, to lymphoma at age 3 and a half. To be honest, when I first met her, I couldn't imagine myself ever meshing well with this goofy and very demonstrative little red dog. I was used to Rhoda's aloof mannerisms and high-drive nature.

Our first year together was mostly about me getting over the loss of Rhoda, and trying to figure out what, exactly was wrong with Bristol. If she wasn't having ear infections, her skin was infected. If she wasn't vomiting-- usually in public-- she was having diarrhea, thankfully always in the grass! It was scary and frustrating. Some how, in the midst of all of the sadness and fear for her health, I handed my total trust and my heart over to her, and we've never looked back since.
I couldn't even begin to describe all of the places we've gone together, the changes she has brought to my life, and the deep bond we share. So to take a leaf from two of my favorite bloggers, Brook and Jess, I give you....
Twelve Facts About Bristol:

1. She only weighed 37 lbs and was 16.5 inches tall when I got her from the guide dog program.
2. Bristol was supposed to be a breeder dog for said guide dog program, but thankfully didn't pass the tests for breeders!
3. Bristol's favorite treat is jelly beans. Because of her tendency toward yeast, she can't have many, but she had some today!
4. Bristol has ridden in a boat, a horse-drawn carriage, airplanes, trains, buses, and streetcars. But her favorite form of transportation remains the gulf carts at the airport.
5. Bristol loves to swim. She will swim for an hour or more if you let her.
6. Bristol has helped with the training of at least 5 other guide dogs.
7. Bristol used to go deer hunting with me, and when we shot one, she would try and drag the entire carcass back to the truck by the leg. Needless to say, that wasn't happening.

8. When I first introduced Bristol to raw meaty bones and organ meats, she hated them and went on a hunger strike. Now she eats them with gusto-- even the liver!
9. Bristol is largely deaf now and apparently her bark has changed since she can no longer hear herself barking. She now has a Deaf Accent!
10. Bristol's favorite game is tug of war, and she will win almost every time because she never gives up!.
11. Bristol gave me away at my wedding but my honeymoon cruise was the first time I ever left her behind; I took Mill'E-Max instead. I had to call my friend who was watching her when I made port in Jamaica just to make sure she was alright.
12. Whenever we get new dog gear, Bristol has to be the one to try it on first. She stacks herself and grunts at the person holding the new harness, leash, or vest until they put it on her and let her parade around wearing it. And of course all of the people have to mention, frequently and loudly, how beautiful they think she is wearing the new gear.


I honestly don't know if we'll make it to thirteen years. So today we will celebrate enough for a long time, and then live each day as if it were the only one we had.
Thank you Bristol, for everything. You are the very best!


He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds;
my other ears that hear above the winds.
He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea.

He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason
for being

by the way he rests against my leg;
by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile;
by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him.
(I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not
along to care for me.)

When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive.
When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile.
When I am happy, he is joy unbounded.

When I am a fool, he ignores it.
When I succeed, he brags.

Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful.

He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion.

With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace.
He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant.

His head on my knee can heal my human hurts.
His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and
unknown things.

He has promised to wait for me...whenever...wherever--
in case I need him.
And I expect I will--as I always have.

He is just my dog.
-- Gene Hill

Access rights; they're not just for people anymore!

Hello people! This is Bristol and I've decided that it is well time I put my paw to paper and write on this blog.
I know that the "Big Bitch" comes in here to write about access and stuff, so in order not to disrupt her flow; I'll stick to this topic.

Did you know that dogs have access challenges too? Not just the kind where you are in the harness and working and some no brained idiot doesn't want to let me into their store, either! You see, dear reader, I am getting older. Like fine wine, I improve with age, but some parts of me just don't work as well as they could. This means that sometimes I have trouble going down steps or on to high places.

So my Uncle Kelly, who is very smart and handy, built me a set of steps to help me get up on the human bed. I like the human bed for snuggle time but the new bed is just too tall for me to jump onto, so Uncle Kelly made me steps. I love them very much, but there is just one problem.

Certain Dobermans and dogs of an orange hue keep laying on the part of the bed next to the steps! Because these dogs refuse to move, I cannot use the steps to get on to the bed! Sometimes The Big Bitch and Bigpops will lift me on to the bed, using the "elevator," but this is not what I want. I need to wait for the people to leave what they are doing to "elevate" me. Whereas, if I use the steps, I can get on and off the bed when ever I want. Laveau and Mill'E-Max are therefore, blocking my access to a place of public accommodation! Well not really public, but it's as close as I can come!

I think us old dogs need to form a PAC; draft a law laying out our access rights! Like, other dogs cannot block the steps on to the bed! We may be able to tack some "Pork Barrel" into this legislation which dictates an increase in our food amounts. I don't know about y'all, but I could use a barrel of pork!


Any other Senior Citizens want to join me?
Wags&Licks®,
Bristol

Uhh, that's not in the brochure!

I'm talking about the brochures put out by the service dog programs. They don't talk about the "real live" stuff of having a service dog. I mean; it's all about "freedom" and "independence", but they don't tell you about the moments (hopefully few and far between) which make you want to crawl under a rug and hide. Moments like I had today... When Laveau, with neither rhyme nor reason vomited in spectacular fashion during my beginning braille class.

Whoops, I should have put a food warning on this. Oh well; I've never been one for rules and lord knows us dog people talk about it without a second thought... So anyway; where was I? Oh yes-- vomit.

See the thing is, all of my dogs have done the deed in public, and I'm kind of an old hand at this. Mill'E and Bristol both are Theatrical Pukers. They had to go through all the motions, gag, heave, etc. It was a huge production. Which, although embarrassing, gave me ample warning of the impending gastric onslaught. I got really good at rushing my dog/s outside, or to a garbage can.
The difference is that Laveau is not a Theatrical Puker; she's one of those rare breeds-- the Stealth Puker®. I swear, one moment she'll be fine, and the next she's just horked her breakfast onto her toes. It's like that song, "Whoop, there it is!" So I was mid-way through my class when I smelled it, and selfishly wanted to hide under the rug.

I am an expert cleaner of these kinds of messes, so I quickly got back to teaching. Laveau is fine; she does this once a year or so-- will just sort of throw up (usually in public) and just be fine.

And can I just say that it will continue to amaze me when people are shocked to see my dog throwing up. One lady once said "I thought they were trained not to do that."

So yes, surprisingly enough, Service Dogs; being that they are *dogs* do all that unpleasant stuff just as we do. And you can train a dog to do many wonderful and helpful things, but they are still dogs and puke happens.

Maybe I'll print up hats for service dog handlers that say "Puke Happens." And when you are cleaning up the mess in the middle of a Wal*Mart, you can put the hat on your head and give people something else to stare at.



Bristol has been quite playful today. She really loves this squeaker chicken I bought for her in Virginia. Isn't that the way it is though-- you spend all this money on expensive toys, and it's the cheap ones you pick up without a thought that they really love.

And just not to leave her out, Mill'E-Max decided that when I asked her to hold Laveau's leash for a second, I really meant that I wanted her to take Laveau for a walk. So Mill'E-Max trotted away-- leash in mouth-- and behind her, there is Laveau, being haplessly led along by a very exuberant Mill'E-Max who thought this was brilliant.

I love dogs!

Observing the Observers

I find it interesting to watch people who are watching Laveau working. People seem to love to interpret her various movements and facial expressions. Most of the time they are wrong about what she is doing, but it's interesting none the less.

One of the main emotions people say Laveau displays frequently is fearfulness. If she backs me away from a car, people are more apt to assume she is afraid, not that she's protecting me from a large vehicle I can neither see nor hear. The same reaction is seen when Laveau approaches steps or uneven surfaces. She will stop, put her body in front of me, and then advance with caution if I cue her. Once again this is seen as fearful. People tend not to realize that she is being very careful with me because I have terrible balance, and have been known-- on more than one occasion-- to just randomly fall over and then not be able to get up without a huge production.

I frequently wonder why so many people have this assumption of "fear" on the dog's part? Is it because that is what they are used to from their pet dogs? Does Laveau really look fearful. Or are people just not used to seeing a dog take control of a situation and make a deliberate decision?
Laveau is very sensitive, and does not like it when I fall, so has learned to be very cautious and careful, and to not listen too me without a keen observation of the environment, because for me, the world is not holding still and I am clueless as to which end is up. But she is not "afraid" of cars, nor steps in and of themselves.

I think it would be very interesting to let a sighted/hearing person with normal balance take her for a walk on leash, and see what she does. Mister Pawpower has worked her several times and once she figured out Mister Pawpower wasn't such a stumbling klutz with crappy balance, she was not nearly so protective and watchful with him. Not that she is unsafe, but I would say that the level of watchfulness Laveau displays with me is abnormally high for most guide dogs. However when she is with him, she's pretty average in watchfulness.

I'm very thankful that Laveau is so watchful. she is never allowed to retire!

Tech? No!

I wanted to blog a bit about technology, and describe what kinds of technology are out there for Deafblind People.

The word Deafblindness is a broad term. It can mean someone who is hard of hearing, with low vision to a person who is profoundly deaf and totally blind. most deafblind people have a bit of sight, or a bit of hearing, or a bit of both. I, for example have a small bit of sight, but not enough to use for reading print, or signed conversations. I use braille and ASL tactually. I can also hear a bit but can only hear speech in quiet settings. If I am going to listen to audio long term, I plug a device called a streamer into my computer or iPod, and it links it directly with my hearing aid-- eliminating background noise and cranking up the volume. Since there are so many different combinations of "deafblindness" what works for one won't work for all.

I use a Macbook with a braille display. The display runs off of USB, and is "twenty cells" long which means that it displays twenty characters or spaces at a time. There is a program called Voice over which will either speak what is on the screen, or will translate it into braille to be read on my display.

I also use an iPhone with a braille display. I learned to operate the iPhone using the touch screen and various gestures. The iPhone has opened up new worlds for me. Until I got an iPhone, I couldn't make phone-calls independently when away from my computer. I use relay to make calls. I use AOL Instant messenger to connect with relay operators who call the number I want. They type in what the other party is saying. I read the conversation on my screen, and type back my answer. The relay operator then reads my answer back to the hearing person. It is a newer version of the TTY. But I could only use this on my computer. Until I got an iPhone and downloaded an application for AOL Instant Messenger and could now make phone calls to anyone, from anywhere.

This meant that I could call a cab for myself, when out doing the shopping. It meant that I could call the pharmacy to get refills for my meds while I was on the buss. It meant real independence. The iPhone has many other apps. I can identify money, the color of a shirt, the label on a can, and get hurricane warnings all on my iPhone. I can also do texting, which opens up a huge new world of communication possibilities for friends and family. I can also use GPS.

On Friday I took a buss from my office to the grocery store, I got on, paid my money, and opened up my iPhone and braille display. I started my GPS app, and it began naming the streets we were crossing, as well as the street addresses. I had told the driver where I was going when I got on, and also that I was deafblind and could she tap my leg when we got to my stop? But by watching the addresses move by on my braille display, I could know if we were coming close to my stop, could remind the driver about my stop, and could know when we arrived. This is more information about the environment than most deafblind people have ever had.

I also use a Braille Note. It is a small device-- about the size of a net book-- and is akin to a PDA. I can do things like compose documents, keep an address book, and read trashy romance novels, all on my Braille Note. This unit can also act as a braille display for my iPhone-- using bluetooth, it will reflect what is on my iPhone's screen or the screen of my Mac, when requested to do so. I also use my Braille Note to facilitate face-to-face communication. When going to a store, or an office, I can ask the person with whom I wish to communicate to type their message on my Braille Note's QWERTY keyboard. The message then appears in braille. The unit also has a USB port for a keyboard for use to caption meetings when I can't get an interpreter. The Braille Note can also go on the internet but I don't use this feature much because I find the speeds faster using my iPhone. I can read books from
<"Bookshare">
on there. Bookshare's collection is growing every day, and I can read books on almost any topic using my Braille Note.

There are also programs designed for computers and cell phones, for people who have low vision which make the font larger and the colors contrasting for easier reading. All of the programs I described have speech, so if a person has remaining hearing, they can use that. Whether you prefer Mac, Windows, or Linux, you use a braille display or large print, there is a computer out there which can meet the needs of almost everyone.

Since the iPhone is gaining in use amongst the deafblind population, I would like to start a series of blog entries about apps which are usable by, and helpful for, deafblind people. I will start out with my personal favorites, but would love to hear from any DBP out there who have a particular favorite app!

The Difference Is Her

This post is for the fourth
<"Assistance Dog Blog Carnival">

I really gave quite a bit of thought to the topic. I had several ideas, but then all unbidden-like, this post just sort of came out.
This entry is for Bristol, who is my retired guide dog. We will celebrate twelve years together on July 26th. Although she is retired, she is still my partner.


When I first met her, she was this tiny red ball of fluff with a black shoe-button nose, and brown eyes that shown with mischief and fun. She was so different from my first guide dog who had died suddenly of cancer earlier that month. Bristol was a young female golden retriever, curious about the world, in love with anyone who would pet her, and so demonstrative in her affection. Rhoda, my first dog, had been a food-loving Labrador who was independent and aloof. I soon grew to appreciate the differences about Bristol. She was a calm and focused worker, who wasn't distracted by anything but the occasional squirrel. A huge change from my flighty Rhoda, who lost focus so easily sometimes.
Bristol wasn't a healthy dog; she had several ear and skin infections before I threw my hands in the air; finally trying a raw diet and a natural rearing approach with her. People said I was "just doing it to be different," but it was honestly her last hope. I am so glad I made that leap with her. The changes it brought about in her health and happiness were incredible.

Bristol and I worked together for five years, until degenerative joint disease forced an early retirement. I can't even begin to describe the difference she has made in my life. She has seen me through college, a cross-country move, getting married, getting a new job, losing everything I owned in a hurricane, and then going deaf. She was there through everything.

Adjusting to the different lifestyle of retirement was very hard for both of us. She didn't understand why she couldn't work any more, and I wanted her at my side. The tide had turned, the seasons changed. After years of her taking care of me, I was now taking care of her. It was a different way of relating, but we figured it out together, just like we had done everything else.

She is thirteen and a half years young now. Her hair is white-- her eyes cloudy with cataracts. But if you look closely you can still see the gleam of mischief and curiosity in their depths. That and love-- always love. She has Hypothyroidism, Toxoplasmosis, uveitis, High Blood Pressure, and a back end which is frequently failing her more and more. She has also lost most of her hearing but still manages to know when it's time to eat.

I know she will not be here much longer. I know that soon I will have to let her journey on without me. I think about how different it will be without her-- how lonely and sad. I hold her close to my heart and wonder how I can miss her so much even before she is gone.

Because of the lessons she taught me, I am a totally different person then I was when we first met. I would hope that I'm kinder, and wiser. Heaven knows I'm the richer for having had the privilege of sharing my life, and myself with such a wonderful partner. She has been the difference in my life-- the whirlwind which caught me up in its young exuberance and now, slowing with age, is about to set me down in unfamiliar territory, and it's territory I'll be traveling with out her.

Bristol... again

Yesterday Bristol lost the use of her only good remaining leg. It was very sudden and we aren't sure what is going on but it looks like a pulled muscle or a strain. It could also be a worsening of her degenerative joint issues. Yesterday I talked to my vet who advised giving Bristol extra Previcox. We did that, and it at least allowed her to climb steps by herself, so we did it again today. I spoke to my vet this morning and he prescribed Tramadol to be used as needed.
I came home to a totally different dog. I mean, yesterday she was honestly not able to walk. She was having horrible muscle spasms and it hurt to watch her walk on only two legs. I honestly thought I was going to have to let her go.

When I got home she was up and walking, and coming to say hello. Later I took the new squeaky chicken and was throwing it for Laveau. This is Bristol's new favorite toy, I think because she can hear it. She got up and came over to take it away from Laveau. Then she taunted me with it for a while and we played a very light (because I made it that way) game of tug of war. And yes, she won (wink!) Then Laveau came over and they lay on the floor together wrestling. Then Laveau accidentally knocked her over and I put an end to the playing.

Barb came over with the Tramadol and I let Bristol out to see her because I knew it would cheer her up. And it totally did. Barb said that she's favoring the left leg a little but she is walking on it. We're not sure if she's actually healing or if the meds are just masking her symptoms. We'll pull her off the extra Previcox and add Tramadol to the cocktail and see what it will do for her.

I really struggled with the decision of what to do for Bristol all day yesterday and into today. I don't want her to suffer, but at the same time I don't want to force her to eave before her time. I don't know when that time will be, but she still has such a huge love for life, and if she's willing to fight yet longer, then so am I. We'll do what it takes and then we'll do what is necessary.

This experience is really bringing home that every day is a gift. It's such a Cliche, but really it is. I have always tried to give thanks every day for all of my blessings, but this brings it into a whole new perspective.

I would like to thank everyone for their good thoughts, healing energy, prayers and for all of the support. Yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life and it helped to know that there were people sending us good juju.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but for today she is doing better. So I will just be thankful for that and let the future take care of itself.

Taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran
Love



Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

A Team of Three

This is a subject I've been interested in exploring on the blog for a while now. Heaven knows, many people are curious about it. Having multiple working assistance dogs at once-- why would anyone want to do such a thing? How does that work, and does it effect the "bond" with your dog if you have more than one? These are some of the questions I get asked pretty regularly.

I started off as a guide dog user with blindness being my only disability. For the first 4-5 years of my guide dog-using career, I only worked one dog at a time. I had a mild-moderate hearing loss and my guide dogs performed some very light sound alert work, but that was it. Around 2003, my hearing started to worsen, and after 2006 all bets were off. Not only am I Deafblind, but the inner ear disease which causes the deafness also causes some very severe balance and mobility issues. I also deal with chronic vertigo. This means that sometimes I literally cannot tell where the floor or the ceiling are. The vertigo effects my proprioception which is the body's ability to know where its parts are in relation to each other. Lets take feeding yourself as an example. People don't need to look in a mirror when they feed themselves because their body "knows" where their mouth is. Your hand has the fork, it lifts the food from the plate, and into the mouth. You don't need to look to know where your mouth is. My proprioceptive abilities vary from day to day. I've been in and out of intense physical therapy to try and improve these issues, but even at their best, they still have impact on my life.

All of that long and probably boring explanation serves as background to my need for two dogs. My dogs are now not only responsible for guiding me from point A to point B, but they need to serve as an aid to balance and mobility as well. Sometimes I cannot articulate direction at all. I try and avoid working my dog when I'm like this but the nature of my disease is that it fluctuates. I can be feeling just great, and the next moment be unable to stand independently. I usually have very little warning. When this happens, I need my dog to make decisions about where to go, to find me a place to sit so I can take meds, and to ignore me because when I try to give cues usually I'm pointing in the completely wrong direction from where I want to go. This doesn't even begin to cover the work my dogs do in the home. This includes alerting to sounds, retrieving dropped objects, bring objects from me to someone/somewhere else, loading and unloading bags/baskets/the dryer, and providing balance assistance or rescue work. There have been times when I've gone out into my own back yard to hang laundry and have then experienced a vertigo attack which leaves me unable to find my way back in the house. It is then necessary for one of my dogs to come find me, and lead me back inside. That is a lot of work for just one dog.

I live a very active life. I have work, community activities, my own home business to help run, and the regular life errands we all must do. This does not even take into account a social life. I like to stay as active as I can. Dogs who work for a person with multiple disabilities tend to burn out more quickly than a dog who has a less stressful job. If I had just one dog, she would be "on call" from the moment I got up in the morning, all day long, until I went to bed. Any time there was a sound, or if I dropped something, or needed assistance, she would have to come running. It wouldn't matter if she had just spent twelve hours out of the home with me, guiding and helping me stand upright. I don't think that's altogether fair to the dog. If I were more sedentary, it might be different, but I'm not.

I have an "inside dog" and an "outside dog." They each know the other's skill set to some degree. Although Laveau has a great deal of catching up to get to Mill'E-Max's level of "inside work." But in all fairness, Mill'E-Max has had more years to perfect it. Laveau does the guiding, balance/mobility and hearing work when outside. She accompanies me to work, and to other places in the community. She loves her job and is very good at it. But when we are done for the day, and the harness comes off, She is off for the night. She can play with the tennis ball, or with the other dogs, and just be "a regular dog." Mill'E-Max takes over inside. She goes into the kitchen with me when I cook, helps retrieve things or bring things to the table. She goes into the herb room with me when I'm making products and does the same. She does play with the other dogs and has fun, but the difference is that if I need her, she stops and comes to help me with whatever I need and then goes back to doing whatever she was doing. She loves her job. When I come in the door with Laveau, she is there to greet us, ready for her turn to work.

Occasionally I will take Mill'E-Max out and let her guide. This is because Laveau has some separation anxiety issues, and we are slowly teaching her that it is ok to be left home alone. I want to continue to work on her "being left alone" skills, so once a week or so, I take a trip with Mill'E-Max and leave Laveau at home. It is important to do because eventually (like in eighty years) Laveau will have to retire, and will need to be comfortable with being left alone at home.

As for "the bond" I don't feel any less bonded to Mill'E-Max who has always worked in tandem with another dog, than I did to Rhoda, my first dog who was my only dog for the entire time I had her. The bonds are different because I am a different person now, as compared to when I had Rhoda. Also, Rhoda was my first dog, and the relationship with your first dog is usually different because they were "the first" and you did a bunch of "firsts" together. I don't think the human heart has a finite capacity for bonding. Just because you work two dogs at once doesn't mean that your love for them is less because you are "splitting" the bond. We can love, and be bonded to, many different beings, for many different reasons, and in many different ways. Bristol and Gracy worked together in the way Mill'E-Max and Laveau work together now, and I never felt it harmed them in any way. In fact, I felt like it benefited them because it allowed them to share the responsibilities of helping me, and it gave them another dog friend.

Laveau, Mill'E-Max and I have a three-way bond. I love each of them and have a relationship with each of them, but they also love each other and have their own very special relationship.

It may not be "the norm" but it works for us, and as long as everyone is happy at the end of the day, that's what counts!

Why do you do it?

Mister Pawpower's search for an assistance dog candidate has caused some interesting reactions and these reactions have made me think-- about myself, my reasons for owner training and how it is viewed by the larger assistance dog community. Until around five or ten years ago, it was not common at all for blind people to train their own guide dogs. It was done, just not by very many at all. Owner training was an option used more by persons with other disabilities. People who are deaf or hard of hearing, or people with mobility or medical issues were more likely to train their own assistance dogs. This is because programs which serve these populations tended to have a longer wait list, to have more stringent requirements for acceptance, and to require the payment of large sums of money for their services. A blind person could get a guide dog from a program in under a year after the first application, and more times than not, the dog was given with no fee owed. Guide dog programs didn't have rules about having other pet animals in the home, or other rules about keeping one's retired assistance animal.

However, due to several factors, more and more blind people have made the decision to owner train. I don't think most people understand that this decision isn't made lightly. Owner training is costly, both in financial and time resources. It takes a very specific skill set. The dog has to go through the process of training and the handler has to put in a great deal of focused, intensive labor. The dog could then wash out and the handler is back at the beginning.

Most people put serious thought and consideration into their decision, but many people seem to be asking my husband why? Why would he want to owner train? Why doesn't he go to a program?

I can't speak about Mister Pawpower's feeling and own personal choices. I am not him, and his tale is not mine to tell-- his reasons not mine to explore. However, I can give some general reasons why someone would want to owner train.

Many people owner train because they cannot attend a program. Perhaps their disabilities make attending a program, or working with a trainer from the program in their own home unmanageable. The person may have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS), they may have such a unique combination of disabilities and considerations that no program feels equipped to train an assistance animal to meet their needs. They may have work, family, or medical commitments which prevent their going away to a program for the specified period of time (usually a month).

Many programs have very specific rules. These programs put these rules in place because they feel it is in the best interest of the populations they serve, and the dogs they train. However, many people don't want to follow these rules. It is highly preferable to find another alternative than to submit yourself to a program whose rules you cannot or will not follow. Many programs reserve the right to repossess the dog if these rules are violated, and the horror and grief over losing your partner due to such a dispute would be much more painful than the impatience of a longer wait for an assistance dog either owner trained or from another program. An example of one of these rules is that some programs state that you may not have other pet, or retired assistance dogs in the home with your working dog. They have their reasons for feeling like this is an important rule, but many people have beloved pets and have managed to go on to have a happy working assistance dog partner and a pet or retired dog living together.
Many programs will not transfer ownership of the dog upon completion of the program. For me, personally, this is a huge sticking point. My choice of programs to attend-- already limited by being Deafblind and using American Sign Language as a primary means of communication, is even more limited because I will not submit myself to a program which will not grant me full and total ownership of my dog upon completion of the training period. People can argue with me until they are blue in the face about this issue, but my mind is very thoroughly made up. We all have "that one thing" which we will never compromise on, and for me it is ownership.

Some people do not want to attend a program because they have firm beliefs in certain training, and rearing methods. Out of necessity, programs have a pretty cookie-cutter approach to dog training and care. They do try to meet every dog's needs, but most dogs will have their needs met-- both behaviorally and physically-- by the training/rearing method of choice. Again I can speak from personal experience. As a clicker trainer and a big proponent of Natural Rearing; it is extremely important to me that my dogs be fed a raw diet as soon as possible, and that they be minimally vaccinated, and treated using a blend of standard medicine and herbs. It is also extremely important that my dog be operant. This means that the dog has realized that she can operate on her environment and that the clicker or other marker has been established as a tool for communication. Many programs use it as a behavior marker, but clicker training is so much more than the clicker. It is a way of thinking-- for the person, and their dog.

Finally there are people who honestly enjoy the process of owner training. I'll grant you, we are few and far between. There are many good reasons for this-- see the part about intensive work above. But we do exist, and for us, it is a true passion and enjoyable experience to train dogs to this level.

The words "harder" and "easier" are very subjective. When people ask Mister Pawpower, "wouldn't it just be easier to go to a program?" They are speaking from their subjective view of what is "easy." For many, it is "easier" to train a dog themselves then to risk exacerbating medical issues, leaving home for a month, obeying rules which chafe, or which go against your grain. For the majority of the folks out there, this is not true. But there are always exceptions.

Nellie Zimmerman

This last week was National Deafblind Awareness week. I wanted to post about one of my Deafblind heros. I'm a day late, but we'll just say I'm running on Deaf Time!

Earlier this year, I picked up a book entitled "Walking Free; The Nellie Zimmerman Story." It was written by Rosezelle Boggs-Qualls and Darryl C. Greene. It tells the story of Nellie Zimmerman who was born in the early 20th century.

Nellie was born sighted and hearing, but lost her hearing as a child. Her father advocated for her write to be educated, and even though Nellie was denied entrance to a public school, he hired a governess to educate Nellie at home. This governess taught Nellie the manual alphabet; what most people call "finger spelling."

Nellie began losing her sight as a teen, and was able to learn braille before becoming totally blind. She lived a very happy and peaceful life until the death of her father.
Upon her father's death, Nellie was shuttled from one family member to another. However none of these people could finger spell. They treated her like baggage; moving her from here to there without explanations, or a word of kindness.

Eventually Nellie ended up in a state hospital where she lived for eighteen years.

Imagine it, for just a moment. Not being able to see, nor hear, not being able to communicate, not having any control. She was effectively imprisoned for eighteen years for the crime of being deaf and blind. Eighteen years is a very long time, countless minutes, hours and days surrounded by strangers-- many with dementia or other illnesses which frequently made Nellie a target for abuse.

Eventually Nellie was able to establish communication with a woman who knew the manual alphabet. At age seventy-one she was freed from the hospital and began to live her life in the free world.
Nellie went on to attend college, with the assistance of her SSP and friend Emily Street. She eventually got a job teaching activities of daily living to Deafblind boys.

When I think of someone whom I should strive to emulate-- one of the people I'll always think of first is Nellie Zimmerman. She could have just let herself go, once confined to the hospital. However she continued to stay active, even if those activities were limited to reading her braille Bible and doing complex math problems in her head. She kept herself sharp and continued to hope. At age 71-- when most of us willingly slide into our retirements-- she began attending college for the sheer love of learning. She made friends, attended parties, and went dancing.

Nellie Zimmerman is a great example of a Deafblind person who made a difference. Her life serves as an example that it is not Deafblindness itself which is the problem-- it's lack of understanding and unwillingness to communicate which are the barriers for Deafblind people world wide. If her family had only taken the time to communicate with her-- to learn the manual alphabet-- her life would have been so different. But it wasn't to be, and rather than wallowing in misery and "might have beens" Nellie lived her life in the moment-- looking toward her future.

Deafblind Awareness Week

This week is Deafblind Awareness week. But for me, and for the many people I meet every day, it is always Deafblind Awareness week/day/moment. I sometimes feel like my life is a lesson in awareness.

It has its good sides. I would hope to think that when people see me in public, doing regular things like shopping or having coffee that they will one day, just think of me as a regular person who happens to be unable to hear or see. Everyone has things that they cannot do, some are more obvious than others. I would hope, through mine, and others actions that we can show that people who are Deafblind can work, go to school, have families, and all of that.

But sometimes, sometimes I just want to be unremarkable. I wish people weren't so "aware." Of my braille, my dog, my ASL, my difference. I sometimes wish that I could spend time in public without some curious person asking me questions, invading my space, or making stupid inane remarks like "I think sign language is so beautiful! I love watching people sign."

I know they mean well. I know that when people think of Deafblindness, they think of Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan, and how does their life-- lived almost one hundred years ago-- fit into our world today? People want to know things. How do I cook, or schedule doctor's appointments, or cross roads. They want to watch me texting or reading braille, or chatting with friends in ASL, not because they are mean, but because it is new and different and "interesting." In this day and age, our society thinks that they have the right to learn and know anything about anybody. Look at all of those reality television shows, the blogs and the twenty-four-hour news coverage. We are a nosey society who believe that we have the right to ask-- to know-- and that privacy is not meant for those who have lives which are different from the norm.

I try, in my personal life, in my work, and in my community efforts, to educate, to advocate, and to continue to grow as a person. But sometimes being aware of deafblindness means being aware that your attention, your questions, your comments, aren't always welcome. If a person wants to know how a Deafblind individual crosses a road, they can look it up on Google. Which isn't nearly as interesting as asking me directly and watching my conversation partner interpret their words into my hands. But if it's truly information being sought, there are a wealth of resources out there. There are even Youtube videos of tactile ASL. Use these resources and educate yourself if you are so inclined.

I don't mean to come off as a grouchy curmudgeon. But if I could make people "aware" of just one thing, it is that I'm a regular person, just like someone who is sighted or hearing. That I'm out in the big world, trying to live my life as best as I can, and that I'm not some kind of carnival freak show exhibit to be stared at, or remarked upon. Be aware, use consideration, think!

The Last Part

I'm home, actually and truly home. The last train ride lasted about 23 hours, and the train was late pulling into the station in Charlottesville, of course.

Then I didn't have a seat on the train until around Midnight so sat in the observation car doing some email checking and observating, and stuff.

Around 4 am, a person or people came on with a screaming infant. I took my hearing aid out and was very thankfully oblivious. Because if there is one noise which turns me into a quivering ball of hysterical, babbling insanity, it is the sound of babies screaming. This is why I do not have human children. I took out my hearing aid and it was quiet and lovely. Apparently the kid screamed basically non-stop for four hours. I read, and did word searches, and twittered and basically smugly laughed at everyone else who had to suffer. Because I'm mean!

Laveau knew we were going home so she refused to pee, and was very determined to save it all up for a big pee festival in the yard. Which is what she did.

But I should go back and talk about my time in Charlottesville.

I went to my first chicken swap. This was a thing where people pulled up to a tractor store in Culpepper, VA. and tried to buy, or sell, or trade their chickens. Oh and a turkey; I can't forget the turkey. I had never actually touched a live turkey, so the owner let me touch him. He was very large and feathery and I could kind of hear this weird loud noise which was him making that gobble noise. Laveau spent the time in
<"Andrea's">
SUV with Sid her SDIT. Sid actually hopped into the driver's seat and was trying to grow himself opposable thumbs while searching for the keys. Laveau stayed in back with her head out the window, keeping a look out for people who would catch on to their plan. She only confessed the entire thing to me after we left.

The two dogs, and Andrea and myself went into the tractor supply store, because I'd never been in one and being a city girl I wanted to be able to say that I went into one. I also wanted to buy a present for the dogs. Laveau was sniffy and a pain in my ass and we had to have a conversation about sniffage.

I bought Bristol a chicken made of this rubber stuff. He apparently has a very loud squeaker and I can sort of hear it if my hearing aid is in. I think Bristol can hear it. We have named the chicken Fricassee.

We eventually packed up and went back to Andrea's house where Laveau barked at the cats and stared rudely at them. We don't, and never will have, cats so her exposure to them has been limited to outside distractions. So she was very weirded out that cats actually live inside, in people's houses, and that these cats-- namely Braxton the Enforcer and Roo, weren't afraid of her and that in the case of Roo, climbed on me and I let them.
To get even with me about the cats, she rolled in the pool, then in the dirt, thereby covering herself in mud. Andrea very sweetly groomed her for me so she looked like a sort of respectable service dog on the train.

The night before the chicken swap I stayed with
<"Christine">
Who was a fantastic sport about hosting a strange lady and her strange black dog in her house. Christine also has a cat, Cairo, and what's more, Cairo knew that he weirded out Laveau; so his mission was to get her to snuggle with him. Laveau refused and would bark at him, get off of the bed or where ever Cairo was, and stomp away to lay across the room grumbling, and giving him that Doberman eyeball. Cairo went after her. She didn't know what to do with this thing which walked like a dog but which was not a dog. Christine also had German Shepherds and Laveau did know what to do with them-- play. In the pool, in the grass, in the house, and where ever. She played herself stupid with Sid and with other GSDs which explains why she slept like a dead thing on the way home and why she's been fairly lazy today.

It's kind of exasperating that the only people who have the dogs which can tire out Laveau live clear the hell in Virginia!

We got home last night and Mister Pawpower had bathed Mill'E-Max and Bristol so they were all soft and cuddly. Well Mill'E-Max was refusing to cuddle for a while because I went and left her, and she is not so forgiving as all that. But she helped unpack the suitcase and that went a long way to making her feel better.

Today I did not go to work because I didn't get to sleep until like, I don't know the butt-crack of the middle of the night last night.

Today I did laundry, and hung clothes out on the line. Then it rained because the universe likes flipping me off.
We took the pack on a walk because we are on a serious mission to strengthen Bristol's hind end. She seems to be doing great on the every-other day schedule of Previcox so we'll leave it at that for now.

Tomorrow I need to actually work and not lay around. Wednesday I have to actually go back to my grown-up job. Le Sigh!

Tonight, I'm going to try and recreate Skyline Chili which is a very yummy and unique kind of Chili I had when I was in Cinci with Jen. We are even having garlic bread with it because I'm on a bunch of steroids from the shrimp thing and OHMYGODIWANTCARBSNOW!
So... I'm off to do kitchen bitchery stuff with my Kitchen Bitches!

Life's Little Detours

So... life has this funny way of happening, y'know?

I left the AADB conference Thursday afternoon headed to Cincinnati to visit my friend Jen and her guide dog Nora. We spent a lovely evening together, eating Skyline Chili, and Ice-cream, and playing with dogs. I hopped on my train out of cinci at a bit after 3 am.

Our train was delayed coming into Charlottesville, VA. Instead of arriving at 2:45 I arrived around 4.
Andrea from
<"The Manor of Mixed Blessings">
fetched me from the station and we went to her friend's house for dog snuggling, and barbecuing. Laveau had a blast meeting all of the new dogs. She has decided that Andrea's SDIT, Sid is her new loooooooove!
We called Amtrak and they said my train was late and would leave by 9:15. Since all of my trains have been late, this wasn't surprising to me.
So we sat around, ate and drank, and threw the ball for the dogs.
Then we harnessed up the pups and drove to the station in time for the 9:15 train, only to find that it had left ten minutes earlier.
Soooooo.......
I'm kinda stuck in Charlottesville until I can get a train out of here. Dunno when that will be, exactly. I'm so punchy right now that I'm not too worried about it ... yet...

Laveau is having a blast, I am curled up in bed with Cairo the Cat and some lemon cookies.
I will update as things progress.

End of Week Updatage

Today was my last full day at AADB. Wow! How time has just flown by so quickly.
This morning I tested a prototype of a braille captioned radio. It was amazing!!! I mean totally amazing.

It was a braille display hooked to a small digital radio via a USB cable. The first three cells of the displays were used for things like to change the channel, to modify settings, and to check for emergency alerts. I read some radio stories, navigated throughout the menu system and was shown an alert and how the system responds when there is an alert. It was amazing, but I think I've already said that! Deafblind people who are braille readers have not had access to this type of emergency alert information in the past.

The radio works with NPR stations. When I was hearing, I loved NPR! I was a huge fan of shows like This American Life, A Prairie Home Companion, and All things Considered-- not to mention Car Talk. All of this program will be available to me using a captioned radio once the finishing touches have been put on the product. I signed up to be a tester for the first radios that come out so I can see radio shows every week and test how the system functions. The entire experience was amazing! I cannot wait to be able to have a captioned radio. It will work with any braille display and a digital radio with USB. So I can use either my Apex or my Sync Braille to run it. Digital radios come in very small sizes so it is very possible for a Deafblind person to take their radio with them and have access to the radio when traveling. This is just fantastic.

I bought pizza for my SSPs this afternoon and we had a pizza party in my room. Then I went to the AADB business meeting but didn't stay long. I had a nap, then went to dinner with a friend.
However I was chatting with someone who had eaten something which had been cooked in the same oil as shell fish. So I had to leave and go take meds. Thankfully I recovered quickly. I got to meet a student who is currently attending HKNC, and that was interesting.

Tomorrow I am checking out of the hotel, attending the AADB awards lunch, going to an update by a man who works for the FCC, and then I'm leaving the convention.

A friend of mine lives in Cincinnati and I haven't seen her in forever so we will spend time catching up, and I'll hop on the train at 3 am on Friday. Tonight is my last sleep in a real bed until I come home to my pack in New Orleans.

I will update perhaps from the road!

Chicago Pictures

are up
<"HERE!">

Thanks to my friend Nahrain for being such a fantastic photographer!

The first half of the week

I realized that I haven't updated since Sunday, but my arms are so sore from all of the tactile ASL, that typing is not on my list of "must do's." However, I want to write this all down before I forget. So where I left off...

Monday morning, my SSP and I went to breakfast. While we were eating, my SSP got a call that a family member was dying so she needed to leave abruptly. I was then matched with three new SSPs.
I went to a workshop on accessible braille e-books. The presenter talked about Bookshare.org, National Braille Press, and the National Library Service's Web Braille program. After that workshop, we went to lunch.

After lunch, it was time to take a tour of the exhibit hall. This is a big ball room full of vendors from various companies selling everything from Braille PDAs, to jewelry, to portable VRS units. I made it about half way around the room before getting stuck at the table for the Helen Keller National Center for Deafblind Youth and Adults (HKNC). The lady at that table had never seen an iPhone before paired with a Braille Note Apex. I took out my iPhone and braille note and several people gathered to watch. The lady from HKNC took videos of my demonstration. I tried to not sound like an idiot. I had left Laveau in the room because I was worried that the hall would be crowded, so after my demo, I went back to get her.

By this point I really needed to get out of this hotel. My SSPs and I walked to Oriental Wok for dinner and I had yummy fried rice and veggie spring roll! We had fun chatting and eating. After that I went to bed.

This morning I went to a three-hour long workshop on various types of assistive technology for Deafblind people. Topics covered included screen readers for both Mac and PC, various screen enlargement solutions for DB people who are low vision, and braille displays. In the second half of the workshop, they talked about various mobile options for DB people including Deafblind Communicator (DBC), made by Human Ware, iPhone, iPad, and Windows Mobile Phones running Mobile Speak. We also learned about stand-alone money identifiers, and color identifiers.

After that long workshop my arms felt like they'd fall off from all of the tactile interpreting. My SSPs and I went to lunch at another restaurant outside the hotel-- this time Mexican. I had nachos and they were delicious.

I came back and had a nap before going back to the exhibit hall, and then to dinner. Geez, this blog makes it seem like all I do is eat and look at technology. lol!
After dinner which was a huge salad, I went to the grocery right quick for more iced tea. Then we came back and went to a pool party where I chatted with some people and swam.

Now it is bed time. Tomorrow I'm testing out a new braille captioned radio from NPR. I'm very excited as when I was hearing, I loved NPR and I really miss listening to it. After the NPR thing, I'm going to the technology lab because many of the devices discussed in today's workshops are at the lab. There are some new braille displays I have yet to see, and I must remedy this-- big geek that I am!
After that is a general meeting of the delegates from AADB in the afternoon. Tomorrow is my last full day here at AADB as Thursday I'm leaving in the afternoon to meet a friend from Cincinnati, and then my train leaves around 3 am on Friday morning.

I am really having a blast so far!

The Journey Begins

I made it to Kentucky in one piece, mostly.

Friday afternoon, Laveau and I hopped aboard the train. We had a sleeper car on that leg of the trip and immediately we met two ladies in the sleeper across from ours. We spent the evening with them and their two grown children. We ate dinner, and spent time in the observation car.

I tried to get some sleep but sleeping on a train brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "tossing and turning." Laveau slept on the foot of the bed, where she could look out the window. She immediately fell asleep while I lay there listening to old Golden Girls shows on my iPod. Eventually I was asleep, and then the train went down what felt like, a very steep hill. The feeling of tilting at such an angle woke me up, and awake I stayed.

The train was an hour late arriving into Union Station in Chicago. I got off the train, and was immediately greeted by my two SSPs for the day, Colleen and Maggie. We first found a locker for storing my luggage for the day. By then we were joined by a friend of mine who is also DB and who lives in Chicago. We took Laveau to pee, and she actually went!
We walked to a local pizza place for lunch, where were joined by yet another friend of mine and her guide dog.

I was having quite a bit of vertigo; I could still feel the train moving beneath my feet! I was pretty nauseated so took meds, and they kicked in just in time for me to eat a huge slice of Chicago style veggie pizza. It was really good. We spent time just chatting, and eventually decided to go see the Bean statue in Chicago's Millennium Park.

The Bean is a giant (and I mean huge) bean-shaped statue covered in reflective metal. I was able to see it once I stood in a place where the Bean blocked the sun. It was amazing. My friend took tons of pictures.

Then we went to a fountain near by. You can sit on a dock thing, and put your feet in the water. I took off Laveau's harness and let her jump into the water. She loved it, but we got busted by the park security because dogs aren't allowed in the water, even if on leash. So poor Laveau had to get out, but she was very happy to be wet and a bit cooler.

We put our shoes back on, then went to yet another fountain. This one was a giant wall of water, coming down from above. Like a giant shower (a very cold shower). I took off my backpack, and my hearing aid, and went with one of my SSPs and Laveau into the heart of the fountain. Like I said; it was cold! I was soaked! Laveau was pretty wet herself. It made me glad she wears a nylon harness!

After we got out of the fountain, we took the El train back to Union Station because it was time for me to continue my trip to Kentucky.

My time in Chicago was wonderful. Both Laveau and myself enjoyed it so much. I met another DB person on the train. We road together and spent time chatting. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Laveau slept like a rock!

The train was delayed a few times, so we arrived in Cincinnati about two ours passed our original arrival time. We found a number for a cab, but they wouldn't accept relay calls. The person I rode with found another cab number, and they sent a driver.

Who was an idiot and tried to deny me access to his cab with Laveau. By this point I hadn't slept in over 24 hours, I had traveled for a day and a half and I was not going to be left at the train station by some jackass who does not know the law. I tried explaining about the dog, and the law. This guy was from here, so he had no excuse not to know the law or not to understand me. Here is our conversation:
Me: "You have to take her, she's a service dog. Do you know what a service dog is?"
Driver: "No."
Me: "Do you know what a guide dog is?"
Driver: "No."
Me: "Do you know what a Seeing Eye dog is?"
Driver: "uh..... uh... I think... I think I've heard of one before."
Me: "Ok, she's a seeing eye dog. You have to take her."
Driver: "It's against the law to have dogs in the cab."
Me: *internally swearing*
Me: "You are violating federal law by denying us access. It is against the law for you not to provide me access to your cab with my service dog." Driver: "Are you blind?"
Me: "Yes!!!!!!!!"
Driver: "Is that a Looker Dog?"
Me: "Yes!! She is a looker dog!"
Me: *thinking to self... "looker dog???"*
Driver: "Well why didn't you say that! I can take looker dogs in my cab."

So I didn't have to kill him and take his keys after all! We hopped in the car and drove to the hotel. By then I was exhausted so I quickly checked in and went to bed with my looker dog.

Just a side note, I thought, being from New Orleans, Laveau would be a Liquor Dog; not a Looker Dog. And to think, for all these years, I've been blaming her for drinking all of the brandy in the keg she was supposed to be carrying around her neck. It's not because she's a lush that she doesn't have brandy, it's because she's a Looker Dog, not a Liquor dog!!

This morning I woke up, farted around on the internet for a while, then went and got my registration packet. I met an SSP from Ohio who took me in his car to get food for Laveau. I needed a refrigerator in my room because my growth hormone needs to stay cold, so there was plenty of room in there for Laveau's food. However I forgot we're not in New Orleans any more, and they didn't have things like turkey necks and pig feet! So she's having ground turkey and beef.
After we got back from the store, I took a nap because I was still so tired.

Then I went to the AADB opening ceremonies which were wonderful.

This hotel is like a maze. I keep getting lost. Tomorrow I have workshops and the exhibit hall. I'm meeting my SSP for breakfast at eight am.

I think I'm going to crawl into bed and get some shut eye. Tomorrow is going to be a long day!
It is great to be here at AADB!

The Pawpower Pack is Packing

I'm starting to pack for my trip. Tomorrow, I get on a train to go to the
<"AADB Symposium">

I am taking the train and for some reason, known only to the higher-powers at good ole Amtrak, I have to go from New Orleans, to Chicago, then back to Kentucky. Yes, I kind of boggled over it for a while but decided to Carpe Shar-Pei (seize the wrinkled dog) and make the best of it. I wrote to a lady who works at the Lighthouse for the blind in Chicago who is, herself, Deafblind. She teaches a class about working the deafblind people. Two of her students will be my SSP for my 8-ish hours in Chicago. This is so fantastic and generous, and makes the entire experience so much easier.

I am also meeting friends in Chicagoland for pizza, some walking around and perhaps (if it doesn't rain), the beach!

I arrive in Kentucky on Sunday morning and stay there until Friday. On my return trip, I have a layover in Charlottesville Virginia where I will get to meet the krew from

<"The Manor of Mixed Blessings">
I have known them online for a few years now and I can't wait to meet the entire gang! I want to pet all of the dogs and see if Laveau or Sid can get to the ball first. We shall, most likely, go to dinner at a restaurant, and terrorize people with our big, scary black hounds.

But before I can get to all of the pizza-eating, beach-going, symposium-attending, and dog-groping I must pack. This is a chore which will test my patience to its limit. Because you see, dearest reader, my dogs brains fall out the moment I remove the suitcase from hiding. They know that the suitcase means travel, and all of the dogs are just sure I will come to a bad end if I do not take them to travel with me.

Usually it goes something like this:
*take out suitcase*
Laveau: "Ohhhh! We go! I will lay in the suitcase so she will have to take me with her!"
Gracy: "I will take the suitcase and hide it because I don't want to go anywhere, and I do not want her to go anywhere, and why can't we all just go out into the yard and kill small rodents!"
Mill'E-Max: "Oh! we're going! Do you need to pack? I'll help you pack! Here, do you need this shirt? What do you mean no, that it's dirty and put it back in the hamper. You are wrong and I will pack it in the suitcase for you. What are your slippers doing in the suitcase? You don't need them in there. Here, I will take them out for you once Laveau gets up from on top of them. Oh look, you are packing treats! Can I have treats? No? Will you give me treats if I bring you my water dish and put it in the suitcase? You will need the water dish if we are going to go on vacation. If you can't take the other dogs, you can just take me because I'm the smartest and most helpful and you will regret it and be sad if you do not take me, and I don't want you to be sad, so take me!"
Bristol: "I love you! I really, really love you. See how closely I'm sticking to your leg? This is so you can't leave me behind. Think of how lonely you will be if you leave me behind. And guilty... you will feel guilty because I was a Jewish mother in my past life and know how to lay on the guilt. You should take me, because if you don't, you will break my heart and that will be on your conscience forever. We wouldn't want that, would we?"
See? It's kind of a mad house once the suitcase comes out.
So I've been putting it off for as long as possible. Today, I found out that I won a new suitcase at an employee appreciation lunch at work. I wasn't actually at the lunch because they were serving shrimp and seeing as how shrimp makes my throat close; I thought it most advisable to stay away. But I won a new suitcase, and my boss is bringing it over shortly, and then it will start, and I don't know if I'll make it to the train without extra weight from a stowaway, or three, in my luggage!

Bristol Update

This morning Brissy seemed a bit better but I took her in anyway. Her hind end is pretty weak; this isn't new. However she's not putting weight at all on her right hind leg, using her left hind leg to compensate. Her hip joints have a lot of bone on bone rubbing, and her muscles are wasting in that area.
My vet put her on Previcox, which is a Cox II inhibiter. And before someone comments with the laundry list of evils caused by these drugs, just do me a favor and save your breath because there is nothing anyone can say that I haven't said to myself. Right now it's about her quality of life. She can't continue living like this-- I won't let her. If these drugs which make her more comfortable do cause other problems, we'll deal with it. But getting the pain and inflammation under control is the most important thing. I have fought like a devil to keep her off of these drugs, and my vet said that most dogs start them when they are around 10. To be a 13 year old dog and needing to finally take them is good; it means she's been doing well. It's what I have to do for her and if they make her hurt less I will gladly give them to her.

I know she's old, I know she probably doesn't have years left. I know that by all rights she shouldn't even be alive after everything she's been through. But she is, and I want to make her last time here as comfortable as I can.

This is so, so hard. I would take the pain myself if I could, I would give her years off of my own life if it would make her body whole again. I will do whatever it takes to keep her comfortable and happy. When I can't do that any more, or if she wants to go, I will then make the choice to end her suffering.

She is still so full of life and vitality. She is interested in meeting everyone around her, in walks and food, and playing. She isn't ready to leave just yet.
This is the dog who has been my emotional loadstar for the last twelve years. This is the dog who has put her 40 pound body between me and an on-coming vehicle more times than I can count. This is the dog who went to college with me, moved across the country with me, traveled many unfamiliar roads with me. She walked me down the aisle when I was married. She walked me to my first job as a grown-up. She was there in the dark of the night when my fears and worries got the best of me. She was there when I lost my house, my city, everything I owned, and later my hearing. I still was rich beyond measure because I had her.

And I can't do anything for her but give her pills and make her comfortable. I can only take her out to the dog park, and to the snowball stand on her good days. I can only put her on my bed, in the coolest spot, and sit beside her on her bad days. I can give her release when it's time. It seems like I got the better end of the deal in this relationship.

If the meds don't work, then all bets are off and we won't have much time at all. I can only hold her, tell her I love her, and hope that the universe grants us just a little bit longer together.

Bristol

This evening Bristol stopped being able to climb up and down steps independently. She can do "down" better than "up" which she can't do at all. She is walking slowly but fine, still interested in food and what's going on around her.
I'm taking off work tomorrow morning to run her into the vets. I'm trying not to think the worst but not doing well at that.
Please send her prayers/good juju/happy thoughts.
Thanks

The Swampy State of the Pack

What a weekend it has been. The pre-trip insanity has already started, and add to that a healthy dose of technology malfunction and I've got a lot of balls in the air.

Not only that, my Vet and I had a conversation on Saturday about the medication Laveau is currently taking to control her spay incontinence. This medication is having some undesirable side-effects, and also has some very scary risks associated with it. I'm currently weaning her down off of the med and when I return from my trip, I will begin to try other methods of controlling this issue. Karyn over at
<"Through Guide's Eyes">
Has been helpful in brainstorming with me about possible alternatives. Although I'm glad to know about these problems, and feel a pressing urgency to find alternatives to correct them, it's an additional stress on top of an already stressful load.

I'm very much looking forward to my trip to the AADB symposium in Kentucky and hope that it is a fun, and relaxing time for both Laveau and myself. I am going to try to blog while on the road, and look forward to many adventures.

In other (and hopefully happier) news, Mister Pawpower has decided that he'd like to begin the search for his next assistance dog candidate. He is hoping for a puppy between 4-6 months old. He'd really like a Doberman or a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. He's keeping his options open and has contacted some breeders. It is not a time sensitive thing, and it's better to take his time and choose a candidate he feels will succeed, rather than rush in and pick the first dog offered. I, myself, always hate this part of the owner training process. Give me a dog of sound body and temperament and I can train it. It's the selecting of the dog that makes me twitchy.

That is all of the news from our neck o' the swamp.
Hope everyone is staying cool!

New Threads

Laveau has needed new gear for some time now. Her harness is hanging in there alright but she really needed a new service vest for carrying things like medical information, my EpiPen, and wallet. Mister Pawpower who is the mastermind behind
<"Pawpower Creations">
wanted to take a crack at making a service cape for her. I wanted it to be purple, with black and white zebra stripes (I love zebras)!
He made a beautiful cape which is not only really sharp looking, but is roomy and comfortable.
You can see
<"Pictures">
of the cape on my FlickR page. One of these days, someone needs to tell me how to put pictures into my blog itself!

Once the cape was made, a friend of mine embroidered "PawPower" in pink thread on the top, and "Service Dog" in white thread on the bottom. It looks really colorful and awesome!
Just in time to show it off at AADB! Mister Pawpower is working on her matching harness and will hopefully have that done soon.

The Language of Loss

These last few weeks have been so very hard with Rudy being gone. But sometimes it seems it's the people I speak to the most who make it harder. I wanted to write this blog post, not as a rant, or a means of finger-pointing, but to explain to non-service dog handlers about how it feels after you lose your beloved partner.

If I had a dollar for every person who has asked "Have you guys found a replacement for Rudy yet?" I could retire to France with a dozen dogs. People seem to have no inkling what so ever that this question is offensive and hurtful. I understand the intent behind the question. The person wants to know if we have found a successor to train for Mister Pawpower.

A service dog is not an inanimate object that you can "replace" when it wears out or breaks. It is not that simple. The bond between a person with a disability and his/her SD is something unique and very special. It is different, much, much different than the love you feel for a pet. This dog has been with you more than anybody else has. This dog has stood between you and danger; frequently risking their own lives to ensure the handler's safety. These dogs are, for some, a lifeline to independence.

When an assistance dog partner looses their SD, whether to death or retirement, it is very difficult. The handler experiences a complex set of emotions; everything from sadness to anger, to guilt, to relief in some cases. Each person is different in the way they experience loss. Some folks, like me, find that they do better if they find an appropriate dog to work with as soon as possible. Some people go years between dogs. Some people only have one SD and then never have another because the loss was just too hard and horrible. They don't want to experience such grief again.

There is no "right" or "wrong" time to get a dog. People from the outside looking in, have absolutely no room to judge, nor to comment. It is normal to be curious about a person's feelings regarding another dog. But I'm asking you, please be very careful and aware of the language you use when asking about a possible next dog.

If the handler does decide to get another dog it is never, ever a "replacement." A dog isn't a pair of shoes or a computer. A dog is a life; special and one of a kind. A better way to phrase this question is:
"Are you interested in acquiring a successor dog?"
or:
"Have you thought of getting another dog, or are you not ready?
Acknowledge that the new dog is not the old, is not a "replacement." Also understand that the person might not even know if they want another dog, they may not even be ready to have this discussion yet.

This is ok, it is ok because the choice of acquiring a successor dog or not, is very personal. If the person answers your question, don't judge their answer. I know it's tempting to say something like:
"You might do better with another dog, it might help."
or:
"You may want to wait a while before getting another dog; maybe a dog isn't right for you any more."
It is nobody's place to judge, or to give advice, unless specifically asked by the handler to give it.

You may have experienced pet loss, and may think you are helping the person feel better by comparing your loss of Fluffy your favorite Chihuahua to the loss of the person's service dog. As I said above, pet loss is different than losing a service animal. Not harder, or easier; those aren't my value judgements to make. It is very different and comparing pet dog loss to service dog loss is like comparing apples to socks.

I need to be honest here and say that I'm very much struggling with feelings of anger right now every time someone uses the phrase "replace the dog." I am also frustrated because some of the people who use this phrase are close to me, and Laveau. They were also close to Mister Pawpower and Rudy. How, after seeing a service dog team work in partnership can they turn around and simply use a word like "replace?" It really hurts, and what's more it hurts Mister Pawpower which makes me even more upset because he is already hurting enough.

I would ask people to please think about what they say before they say it. A moment of forethought counts for more than an hour of apologies.

The State of the Pack

It has been a very hard and sad week. Also probably one of the longest weeks in recent history. We still miss Rudy every day. Our house seems so strange without him. On Thursday we got his ashes back and it was really sad.

The other dogs have had a really hard time, especially Mill'E-Max. She was with him when he died and she was very upset. So upset that she stopped doing hearing alerts in the home. I took her with me when I went to a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and she alerted then, but that has been all. She was also refusing to retrieve for the first couple of days but has now returned to her work as our "House Elf." I'm sure with time and some positive reinforcement, she'll begin alerting again as well.

There is some excitement on the horizon for Laveau and me, however. On June 17th, I'm leaving to attend the American Association of the Deafblind's symposium, which will be held in Ft. Mitchell, KY. I'm taking the train since my ears are too damaged to adjust to pressurized aircraft. The train will take about thirty-six hours each way.

On the leg of the trip going to Kentucky, we have a seven hour layover in Chicago. Yes, it's kind of ridiculous that I have to travel through Chicago to get from Louisiana to Kentucky, but efficiency has never been Amtrak's strong-suit. Returning to New Orleans, I have a Layover in Charlottesville VA.

I'm actually excited about these layovers because it means that I can meet internet friends who live in these cities, and because I always love going new places. We have a sleeper car from New Orleans to Chicago, but the rest of the time, we'll be in coach.
Ft. Mitchell KY. is right on the boarder and is very near Cincinnati, OH. I'm excited to see both cities. If you are in these areas and want to meet up, leave me a comment. Also if you are going to the symposium and want to get together, let me know and I can give my number for texting.

I've already started making lists of "must haves" and have gotten a new bait bag and some really tasty treats for Laveau to have on this trip. Now I just have to work out her food. Laveau eats a raw diet so this always takes some advanced planning. :)

I hope everyone is having a great Memorial Day Weekend!

Doing the Math

In our house, everything comes in 4's, or in multiples thereof.

4 dogs
64 nails to clip
8 ears to clean and check
4 heads to count at bed time
4 cold noses prodding us toward the fridge for breakfast in the morning.
Treats and perfect bones and chewies all come in multiples of 4.
Flea and Heart-worm preventive do, too.
2 harnesses rest on the cupboard out in the front room.
4 crates are scattered throughout the house.
There are the 4 spots around the kitchen table, everyone has a place, and everyone in their place come meal time.
... and now it's not that way any more. We are suddenly counting in multiples of three. When you live your life in multiples of 4, multiples of 3 is so wrong and unnatural. I like 4, 4 is a good number. 4 means health and safety and family and that everyone is ok at home, with us, where they belong.
But now there are three. And three is a very small number, so much smaller than 4.

All About Rudy

I meant to write this post several days ago, but life got in the way. I'm writing it now because today I learned that life is short, and so fragile.

Rudy was found wandering in a strip mall parking lot. He was taken to an animal shelter where he lived for a month. In 2004, my husband, Mister Pawpower, was looking for a dog to train for his guide. We found Rudy on pet finder, and decided to meet him.
He was living in a small animal shelter on the north shore of the lake pontchartrain, and some very kind shelter volunteers brought him over so we could meet him.

I knew when I first saw him that he'd be a wonderful guide. The one thing about Rudy was that he was so full of life. He loved going, it didn't matter where, as long as he was going.

Training him was a very difficult job. Rudy loved to go, and he wanted to be the one who decided the destination. He loved looking down the perpendicular streets as he guided Mister Pawpower. It didn't matter how we traveled, as long as we were traveling.

He rode buses, streetcars, cars, trains, and airplanes. Getting the harness on him was always such a challenge because he'd get so excited he couldn't hold still. He loved it best when Mill'E-Max, or Laveau and I were traveling with Mister Pawpower and him. He had his favorite places, and while some of them, like Wendy's restaurant were logical, he also adored Walgreens. He could find any Walgreens anywhere. I've frequently said that Walgreens should hire Rudy as their spokesdog because he loved it there. He loved airports, and shopping malls, and the french quarter.


At home, he was a laid back dude; preferring to nap in a patch of sun on the floor or in his crate as opposed to chasing balls. His favorite treat was pizza, and whenever we would order out, he would wait patiently for Mister Pawpower to bring the box inside. Then he would give the pizza an "honor guard" all the way into the kitchen. He would start grumbling if we didn't share. He ignored every other type of food, but pizza was just too good for him to decline.

In June of last year, Rudy was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. He slowly, and very unwillingly began easing into a life of semi-retirement. Mister Pawpower works from home, so he was able to work Rudy on trips to the store, or the coffee shop.

Today Mister Pawpower was in the tub when Rudy came and hung his head over the side and began nudging to go outside. Mister Pawpower let him out, but when he called the dogs back inside, Rudy didn't come. In his younger days, Rudy was a bit of an escape artist. Thinking that he had had a relapse of judgement, Mister Pawpower began scouring the neighborhood for signs of Rudy. He couldn't find a trace of him.

He went into the back yard to try and locate the place in the fence where Rudy may have gotten out, and instead he found that Rudy had died while out in the yard.

It was very shocking and horrible. I got the call at work, and I called the vet to come while making my way home.

When I got out of my friend's car, I saw the vet tech standing there with Rudy's 85 pound body in his arms. I knew then that Rudy was gone. Rudy was the kind of dog who went places on his own four feet, or he didn't go at all. I've never seen him so still, and quiet in a person's arms before today. I ran up and touched him on the leg. I just couldn't believe he had gone.

When you live through a situation like this, all of the "what if's" crash down upon you with merciless force. What if I hadn't gone to work and stayed home and had found him in time to do CPR. And What if I had missed some kind of crucial signal that he was unwell.

Two days ago, Mister Pawpower and I harnessed up Rudy and Mill'E-Max for a jaunt to our local coffee shop. Rudy was just as thrilled as always to get up and go. He loved the coffee shop. He loved working and getting out there.

Our vet has examined him and has determined that he died of heart failure which is sadly, very common in larger breed dogs.

We are all at such a loss. He has left a huge gaping hole in our lives.

Go in Peace, Rudy Dude. You will always be remembered with love. May you run fast and free, and your road be ever-open.
Walk within You
By Nicolas Evans
If I be the first of us to die,
Let grief not blacken long your sky.
Be bold yet modest in your grieving.
There is a change but not a leaving.
For just as death is part of life,
The dead live on forever in the living.
And all the gathered riches of our journey,
The moments shared, the mysteries explored,
The steady layering of intimacy stored,
The things that made us laugh or weep or sing,
The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring,
The wordless language of look and touch,
The knowing,
Each giving and each taking,
These are not flowers that fade,
Nor trees that fall and crumble,
Nor are they stone,
For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand
And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.
What we were, we are.
What we had, we have.
A conjoined past imperishably present.
So when you walk the wood where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land,
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand,
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you,
Be still.
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.

Laveau puts on a show, and other randomness

Sometimes school children take field trips to my place of employment. They learn about assistive technology, modified ways of completing necessary activities of daily living, canes, and of course assistance dogs. We had one such tour today. I was right in the middle of my speech about what a guide dog does, (I've affectionately named this the dog and pony show), when the fire alarm went off... again!

And Laveau flew into action, got me out of there, down the hall, out of the building, down the sidewalk, and across the road. We were the first ones out of the building. I felt bad that I couldn't explain what was going on to the kids, but when she alerts, I go.

It was a perfect "Animal Planet" alert and response! I mean picture perfect. I was so proud of her.

They are adding on to the building where I work, so lately there have been many fire alarms as they install, and test the alarm system for the new part of the building. I'm glad Laveau is responding so well, but honestly I'm ready for these alarms to stop ringing because it is extremely disruptive.

laveau has also made progress on her working retrieve. She will now put her teeth on the dumbbell for about 1/2 a second. She is about 80% about putting her teeth on the dumbbell without nosing, but I don't want to start adding duration to the "hold" until I get teeth grabbing 100% of the time.

Yesterday I went shopping for a new bait-bag and for treats. It took me three hours to find everything I needed. Laveau has a soft trachea and can only eat soft treats when doing rapid-fire clicker training, or when working. She also takes too long to chew hard treats. I think she's the first Doberman on record who actually chews things before eating them. With the option of hard treats out of the picture, I needed to look only for soft treats. Only my dogs are raw fed, and do not eat cereal grains. Laveau won't eat treats unless they smell meaty. See why that took me so long?! I'm excitedly waiting for my package from
<"Clean Run">
to arrive via UPS.
Shopping at this store always makes me long to build Agility courses in my backyard. I first need a large enough backyard for obstacles!

What Dat Is?

Yesterday I was reading a story with one of my clients about football, or baseball, I don't really remember which since I'm kind of a moron when it comes to sports. I mean, I cheer for the Saints for football, of course. During baseball season I cheer for the Boston Redsocks or the San Francisco Giants. But I don't actually, y'know, get all into it and I am still trying to figure out the whole point of football and what is a 1st down, anyway?

My client is reading this story about a water boy who brings the players water and towels and such when they have a break, or whatever. Anyway, my point of my senseless rambling is that my client came across the word "Gridiron."
I have never seen that word before. The client was reading to himself and he had a problem identifying one of the words after gridiron. I start reading the sentence aloud so he can tell me where he is having a problem. Only I mispronounce gridiron since I never heard the word when I was hearing. As a synesthete, the way I pronounce unfamiliar words largely depends on what color they are. Vowels are lighter, as is the letter D. Usually words tend to end with lighter colored letters, therefore, it seemed perfectly logical to pronounce it "Gridi ron."
Uh... that's not how you say it. My client laughed at me and he told me it was grid, like a graph, and iron, like iron your clothes. Ok ok, I get it.

That evening I'm telling the story to Mr. Pawpower and he tells me that I am mispronouncing the word "iron" which is the way I have always said it like "I Ron." So he had to explain to me that no it's not said like "I Ron" but like " I Earn." So I'm practicing how to say it correctly because now I'm paranoid. Also I have to teach the ironing lesson in a Daily Living Skills class very soon, and I don't want to look like an idiot because I can't say words correctly.
This entire experience makes me question why a sports field is called gridiron to begin with because it's made of grass, not iron and I don't think it's shaped like a grid, or maybe it is and I just don't know.

The Dish on the Dish

One of Mill'E-Max's jobs is to bring me the dogs' water bowl when it is empty. I filled it up just last night so I was surprised when she came into the kitchen where I was sitting, and jabbed the rim of the bowl into my side.

I grabbed the bowl, and headed to the kitchen sink to fill it. I usually fill the dish in the tub and she was not letting me fill it anywhere but the tub. She was still holding the bowl, and gave a mighty yank! So with me holding one side of the dish and Mill'E-Max the other, she walked backward from the kitchen, into the bedroom, and down the hall. She looked like she was doing a canine version of the moonwalk. She was making these gur gur gur noises and I could feel their vibrations in the dish as I held on to it. I was laughing so hard at the moonwalking and the gurring; I dropped the dish. She came around behind me with the dish and commenced to poking me in the butt with her dish in an attempt to get me to walk faster. Poke, poke poke! I'm sure she was still gurring!

Finally we arrived in the bathroom and I started filling the dish. She hung her head over the side staring at the rising water level.
She is a very impatient dog is our orange Mill'E-Max. Now if Laveau will keep her feet out of the water dish, maybe I won't have to refill it before afternoon.

I wonder sometimes, what do people who don't have dogs do for entertainment?